Why I'd Choose The Bear

CONTENT WARNING: This blog post contains topics of sexual assault and rape, PTSD, "What if" scenarios, that may trigger or cause distress. 

After I was raped, I was asked what I was wearing, if I had been under the influence of drugs or alcohol, why I went to said location, if I said "no" or "stop", if I tried fighting back, if I fought hard enough, if I had been flirting or sending mixed signals, if I screamed for help, etc. I was 15. I was wearing jeans, sneakers, and a hoodie sweater. I didn't even have my hair or makeup done. I was with people I called friends. There were adults present. I tried to push him away. I told him "no" and "please, stop".

To this day I still hate being around certain men. Whether it's the way they look or look at me, their behavior, the way they speak, or something that gives red flags, I will avoid them at all costs. Avoiding them looks like; not making eye contact, making myself look small so as not to attract attention, giving myself physical space/distance between them, and trying to blend in with the crowd. It's my camouflage, I'm a chameleon. I've become very good at hiding and disguising myself in order to protect myself. It's a survival instinct. I don't even have to think about it, it just comes naturally now. 

A recent, hot topic on social media comes in the form of a question, similar to; "If you were a woman in the woods, would you rather run into a bear or a random man?"

The question I believe was intended to draw attention to violence towards women. Instead it has sparked many heated debates, and shocking comments from men suggesting violence towards women who would choose the bear. Some men are angry about being compared to a dangerous, wild animal, or feel put off by generalizations that all men would harm a woman. Unfortunately, many men are missing the point of this entire conversation. 

 

I'm not an avid hiker. I enjoy casual walks here and there, stopping often to photograph the scenery, or enjoy the birdsong. The last time I went for a quick hike, there was a man who appeared suddenly, and I did not hesitate to steer clear of them. I do not know them or their intentions, nor do I wish to find out. I don't believe all men are malicious. I know a lot of good men, many that I trust, but if I had to choose between a strange man and a bear, I'd 100% choose to come across a bear instead. I know that there are chances the bear would charge at me, or maul me, killing me. I also know what many men are capable of. I'm saying I'd rather die at the hands of a bear, than be sexually assaulted, groped, harassed, intimidated, raped, tortured, and if lucky, eventually killed. Remembering how I felt when I was raped, believe me when I say, there are fates far more cruel than death. 

As always, I'm so grateful for those who are willing to listen to, believe, and who choose empathy. It is much easier to become angry and defensive. It takes a lot of love and an open mind to advocate for those with little to no voice. It is so important to me to speak up, even if my hands tremble and my voice shakes. I am so determined to help at least one other soul make it through this life without the agony I experienced at a young age. I will do all I can to keep another's choice and dignity to be stripped of them. I feel like it is my responsibility to do so. If I don't, who will? 

Believe women. Listen. Be an ally. Or, get the fuck out the way!